Friday, October 23, 2015

Top 5 Stupid Things People Say to Writers

I have been a "real" writer for over a decade. I have been published in multiple formats, I have been a contracted writer, and I am also a self-published writer. I take my work seriously. However, there are some people that say the damnedest things to me. Here are my favorite.

1. Get a Real Job

I had someone in my life that loved to throw this one at me. Notice that he is no longer around.

Writing is a "real" job. A writer does work and it earns the writer an income. Hence, writing is a job.

2. Can You Write a Book About Me?

Um… Why?

Over the years, I have been approached by many people asking if I could write a book about them or their family. I usually just smile and find an excuse to make an escape.

You and your family would have to be pretty darn amazing or interesting to sell books. Is anyone in your family a serial killer? That would sell books. Have you made an amazing discovery? That might sell a few books. Your journey to self-discovery through stamp collecting will not sell books.

3. All You Do is Sit There

Yeah, well that is how books get written.

All this sitting is not easy. I would rather be driving to nowhere, getting trashed at a cocktail party (I will have to put that one on my bucket list), and getting a tooth drilled than sitting here day after day writing. You try it out and see how all this seclusion makes you feel. By the end of the day, I bet you will be dreaming of all the excitement you could have cleaning out the refrigerator.

Truth is, sitting here AND WRITING is not all that fun.

4. Writing is Not Hard Work

Okay. You do it. Today I want you to write 5 articles. Each article must be at least 500 words in length and be SEO friendly. I want you to write about healing from a hernia, the origin of the word "blockhead", how long a chicken can live without its head, how to make a fluffy pancakes with buttermilk, and an article about the top 10 best cell phone plans for people living in Mongolia. When you are finished with your articles, you will spend the rest of your time working on an ebook that you will be self-publishing. I want you to research keywords and find the best title for your book. When you are finished, I want you to create an outline for your book. Tomorrow, the list will continue. Don't expect weekends off.

5. You Have All This Free Time

Heh… Someone in my family would always assume that since I was a writer, I could stop at anytime and go off to do things. Not if I want an income.

It took years until my well loved family member understood that I have a schedule that I must keep to. If I don't write, I don't earn money. If I don't earn money, then expect me to show up at your house with my pillow and a backpack. How soft is your couch?

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